The morning light crept through the gap in the curtains, a soft gold that fell across the bed in slender stripes. Zhang Jie opened his eyes slowly, the familiar ceiling fan spinning above him, its blades casting lazy shadows. Beside him, Mengmeng was still asleep, her dark hair spread across the pillow, one hand resting near her cheek. He turned his head carefully, his neck muscles straining slightly, and watched her breathe. Her chest rose and fell beneath the thin summer sheet, and a warmth spread through him that had nothing to do with the season.
He shifted his hips slightly, the motion sending a dull ache through his lower back—the constant reminder that he could not feel his legs. Yet he could feel the smooth skin of her hand against his thigh, and he pressed himself gently against her palm, a soft, wordless greeting. Mengmeng stirred, her eyelids fluttering open. She blinked at him, then a shy smile curved her lips. Her fingers curled, just a little, brushing against the fabric of his shorts. “Morning,” she whispered, her voice still thick with sleep.
“Morning,” he said, his own voice rough. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her skin was warm, and she leaned into his touch like a cat. “Did you sleep well?”
“Mm.” She moved her hand, the one she could still control, and rested it on his chest. “I dreamed about the old days. Before the accident. We were at the riverbank, and you were chasing me.”
He smiled, though the memory brought a sting. “I remember. You were faster than me back then.”
“I’m still faster,” she said, her eyes dancing with mischief. “I just can’t run anymore.”
He took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “You don’t need to run. I’ll carry you.”
She laughed, a soft sound that made the morning feel complete. Then she moved her hand down again, back to his thigh, and pressed a little firmer. The gesture was deliberate this time, a question. His breath caught. “Mengmeng…”
“I want to,” she said simply. “I want to feel you.”
The words sent a tremor through him. He looked at her face, at the earnestness there, the complete trust. It humbled him. He reached for her, pulling her close, and she nestled against his shoulder, her hand still moving, exploring with that gentle, clumsy persistence. He kissed her forehead, her cheek, the corner of her mouth. The sheet rustled, and the morning sun grew stronger, lighting the dust motes dancing in the air.
In the kitchen, the clatter of pots and the hiss of oil filled the small space. Zhang Jie’s mother, a slender woman with greying hair tied back in a loose bun, stood at the stove, flipping pancakes with practiced ease. Zhang Daniu, her husband, stood behind her, his large hands resting on her hips. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the back of her neck, and she shivered, but did not pull away.
“The kids are still asleep,” he murmured against her skin, his voice thick.
“They’ll wake up soon,” she said, keeping her eyes on the pan. “Let me finish breakfast first.”
His hands slid around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. She felt his hardness through his trousers, and a flush crept up her cheeks. She knew what he wanted. It was always the same. But she also knew her own body had grown tired, and the guilt gnawed at her. She could not give him what he needed, not the way she used to. And he knew it too. That was why his eyes lingered on Mengmeng sometimes. She saw it. She chose not to see it.
“Tonight,” she whispered, not meaning it.
He grunted, and his hands fell away. He stepped back and picked up a cup of tea, taking a long drink. “I’ll go check on Jie.”
Zhang Pengpeng shuffled into the kitchen, still rubbing his eyes. He was twelve, all arms and legs, his hair sticking up in tufts. He saw his stepfather standing by the counter, and his mother at the stove, but he had already learned not to look too closely. He had seen things before—the way his stepfather’s hands lingered on his mother, the way her breath hitched. It was normal, he supposed. He sat down at the table, and his mother slid a plate of pancakes in front of him.
“Eat,” she said.
He picked up a pancake and bit into it, the warmth spreading through him. Through the thin walls, he heard a soft sound from his brother’s room—a murmur, a rustle. He ignored it.
Breakfast was a crowded affair at the small table. Zhang Jie’s wheelchair was positioned at the head, and Mengmeng sat beside him, her chair close enough that she could lean into him. Zhang Daniu sat opposite, his broad shoulders filling the space, and Zhang Pengpeng squeezed in next to his mother. The smell of scallion pancakes and soy milk filled the room.
Zhang Daniu cleared his throat. “Jie, how’s the new book coming? Ready to publish soon?”
Zhang Jie nodded, lifting a piece of pancake to his mouth with effort. “Another week of editing. The publisher’s happy with the draft.”
“Good, good.” Zhang Daniu took a bite of his own food. “We’re proud of you, son.”
“It’s because of you,” Zhang Jie said, meeting his stepfather’s eyes. “You take care of everything here. I can only write.”
Zhang Daniu waved a hand, but there was a flush of pleasure on his rough face. “Don’t mention it. Family’s family.”
Beside him, Mengmeng used her good hand to pick up a piece of pancake and hold it to Zhang Jie’s lips. He took a bite, his eyes soft on her. She smiled, then turned to feed herself, her movements careful and slow.
Pengpeng’s gaze drifted. His eyes landed on Mengmeng’s chest, where her shirt gaped slightly as she leaned forward. He hadn’t meant to stare, but there was a roundness there, a softness that made his stomach feel strange. He looked away quickly, but his mother had noticed. She tapped his arm lightly.
“Pengpeng, eat your food,” she said, her voice low but firm.
“I am,” he muttered, stuffing a whole pancake into his mouth.
After the meal, Zhang Daniu helped Zhang Jie transfer from his wheelchair to the padded mat on the living room floor. The morning routine: stretching, turning, keeping the muscles from atrophying. Zhang Jie lay on his back, his arms flexing, while Zhang Daniu gently manipulated his legs, bending the knees, rotating the hips. The movements were practiced, efficient, but Zhang Jie still felt a flicker of helplessness at the sight of his own limp limbs being moved like dead weight.
“How does that feel?” Zhang Daniu asked.
“Fine,” Zhang Jie said, staring at the ceiling.
In the bedroom, Zhang’s mother had pulled the curtains shut, casting the room in a dim, private light. Mengmeng sat on the edge of the bed, her blouse already unbuttoned. Her mother-in-law knelt before her with a basin of warm water and a cloth.
“I can do it myself,” Mengmeng said, her voice small. She reached for the cloth, but her hand trembled, and she could not grip it properly.
Zhang’s mother gently took her wrist. “Let me help you, child. It’s no trouble.”
Mengmeng bit her lip. Her cheeks burned. Being touched, being seen like this, even by a woman, made her feel exposed. But she could not deny the truth of her own weakness. She nodded, and her mother-in-law began to wipe her arms, her neck, her shoulders. The cloth was warm, and the touch was gentle, and gradually, Mengmeng relaxed. She closed her eyes, letting herself be cared for.
In the living room, Pengpeng had finished his homework and was sprawled on the sofa, flipping through a comic book. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, and he could hear the soft sounds of his mother’s voice, the splash of water. He should not look. He knew he should not. But his feet carried him closer, and he peered through the crack.
His mother was wiping Mengmeng’s back. Mengmeng’s skin was pale and smooth, the curve of her spine visible as she leaned forward. Her mother’s hands moved with care, and then she asked Mengmeng to lie down. Mengmeng shifted, and her legs straightened, her small feet pointing. Her mother took one foot and massaged it, and Mengmeng let out a soft, involuntary moan—a sound that was not quite pain, not quite pleasure. It sent a strange thrill through Pengpeng’s chest. He backed away, his heart hammering, and returned to the sofa, grabbing his comic book and staring at the pages without seeing them.
Evening came slowly, the summer sun sinking in a blaze of orange and pink. The house grew quiet. Zhang’s mother and Zhang Daniu retired to their room; Pengpeng closed his door, the light of his phone glowing under the crack. In the bedroom, Zhang Jie and Mengmeng lay together, the window open to catch the evening breeze.
Zhang Jie propped himself on one elbow, looking down at her. Her face was soft in the dim light, her lips slightly parted. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. She sighed against his mouth.
“Jie,” she whispered.
“Hm?”
“I want to have your baby.”
The words were so simple, so direct, that they struck him like a blow. He looked at her, at the earnest light in her eyes, and felt his throat tighten. He knew what it would cost her. Her body was already so fragile, so limited. The doctors had warned them. But she was looking at him with such hope.
“Mengmeng…” he began.
“I know it’s hard,” she said, her hand finding his. “But I want to. I want to give you a child. I want us to be a family.”
He pulled her close, burying his face in her hair. His eyes were wet. “We are a family.”
“I know. But I want more.” She pressed her belly against him. “I want to feel life inside me. Your life.”
He could not deny her. He did not want to. He kissed her again, deeper this time, and she melted into him. Their hands moved, their bodies pressed together, and in the warm darkness, they made a promise to try.