The afternoon sun slants through the blinds of our dorm, casting pale gold stripes across my desk. I sit in my chair, knees pressed together, heart hammering. The screen glows with a site I've visited a hundred times, but it still feels like the first time—my fingers tremble as I scroll.
*ThirdSex Heaven* banners flash in pink and purple. Men with smooth chests, soft curves, and pouting lips arch their backs into the camera. They look like women, sound like women, but keep that telltale bulge between their legs. My breath catches. I've seen this before, but it never fails to make my skin flush and my cock twitch.
I glance at the closed blinds, the locked door. The room is quiet except for the hum of the AC and my own shallow breathing. My roommates won't be back for another hour—they're at the library, or so they said. I told them I had a headache. A headache. A convenient lie for what I'm about to do.
I peel off my T-shirt. The air feels cool on my bare skin, but I'm already warm inside. My fingers unbutton my jeans, letting them fall to my ankles. I step out of them and stand in the center of the room, half-dressed, half-exposed. The mirror on the closet door catches my reflection.
I am nineteen. One hundred seventy-two centimeters tall. Fifty-eight kilograms soaking wet. My shoulders are narrow, my collarbones sharp, my waist so slender I can almost encircle it with two hands. My skin is pale and soft, almost translucent in this light. And my face—I've been told it's beautiful. People say I look like a girl, and they don't say it kindly. But I don't mind. I crave it.
I open the bottom drawer of my dresser. Beneath a pile of folded sweaters, there's a black lace bra, matching panties, and a pair of sheer nude thigh-highs. I bought them online three weeks ago, paid with cash at a pickup locker, heart pounding the entire time. Now I slip the thong up my thighs, the lace scraping against my skin. The panties sit snug against my hips, cupping my balls, pressing a soft satin panel between my cheeks.
Next, the bra. It's a push-up, 34B. I clip it behind my back, adjust the straps, and look in the mirror. My flat chest doesn't fill the cups, but the padding gives a gentle curve, a suggestion of breasts where none exist. I bite my lip. The sight of myself—boyish frame in feminine lingerie—makes my stomach flutter with something between shame and hunger.
The stockings come next. I sit on the edge of my bed, roll the sheer nylon up one leg, then the other. The material clings to my calves, my thighs, smoothing over my skin like a second layer. I spread my toes, admiring how the nude color blends with my flesh. My feet look delicate, feminine. Almost pretty.
I reach into the drawer again, retrieving the electric butt plug I ordered from the same site. It's silicone, five inches long, with a bullet-shaped tip and a small remote control. I'd prepped the day before, spent an hour in the bathroom with a douche and lube, anticipating this moment. I squeeze a generous dollop of water-based lubricant onto my fingers and reach behind.
The first touch makes me gasp. I circle my hole, pressing gently, letting the muscle relax. I've been practicing. I can take three fingers now, sometimes four, but the plug's girth is always a challenge. I push its tip against my entrance, feeling the pressure build. My breath hitches. I close my eyes, focus on relaxing, and push.
The head slides in. I gasp again, a low whimper escaping my throat. The stretch is exquisite, a burning fullness that makes my cock twitch inside the lace panties. I push harder, and the entire plug sinks home, settling deep inside me. I whimper, adjusting to the intrusion. My body clenches around it, accepting the foreign object as if it belongs there.
It feels good. It feels *right*.
I stand, walk to the mirror. The panties hide the plug's base, but I can feel it shifting inside me with every step. I pull on a loose button-down shirt and blazer, covering the bra, the stockings, the plug. From the outside, I look like any other art student: fitted jeans, casual top, air of aesthetic nonchalance. But beneath the fabric, I'm dressed like a whore. I'm wearing a girl's underwear, a vibrator in my ass, and I'm about to go to a public lecture.
The thought makes me dizzy with excitement.
I grab my bag and slip out the door, locking it behind me. The hallway is empty. I walk past the RA's office, past the bulletin board with flyers for tutoring and a bake sale, past a freshman who nods at me. I nod back, a casual gesture, as if I'm not getting fucked by a toy every step I take.
The plug shifts with each stride. Its subtle movement against my prostate sends sparks of pleasure through my pelvis. My cock, trapped in the lace panties, is half-hard, dampening the fabric. I feel like I'm glowing with a secret, like everyone must see it on my face.
But no one does.
The lecture hall is half-full when I arrive. I take a seat in the back row, near the aisle. Open my laptop. Pretend to focus on the professor's slide about Renaissance color theory. But my mind is elsewhere—on the plug, on the stockings, on the dream of being taken by a real man, a big one, someone who would find me like this and know exactly what I am.
I've imagined the scenario a thousand times. A dark room. A man's silhouette, tall and broad. Him pushing me onto the bed, pulling down my jeans, discovering my lingerie. His hands on my thighs, sliding up, searching. Him finding the plug, pulling it out, replacing it with something bigger. His cock, thick and hot, sliding into me while he moans in my ear.
The fantasy makes me squeeze my thighs together. I bite my lip, hard.
I glance around the hall. Other students are scattered among the seats: a few boys from the painting program, a girl with blue hair, and, further down the aisle, a group of foreign students. I recognize one of them—a tall black guy, broad shoulders, close-shaved hair. I've seen him around campus, noticed the way his gaze seems to linger on certain people. On the art students, especially. On the slender ones.
I look away. I don't know him.
The professor drones on about chiaroscuro. I try to pay attention, but my skin is buzzing. The plug pulses gently, a constant reminder of my hidden secret. Every time I shift in my seat, its movements tease my insides, building a low, aching need.
I think about the other boys in my dorm. Chen Jie, Xu Mo, Su Yan. We're the beautiful ones, the art school's four beauties. They're all slender like me, fine-boned, soft-featured. I've noticed things about them. The way Chen Jie lingers in front of mirrors. The way Xu Mo's clothes are always just a little too fitted, his trousers hugging his hips. The way Su Yan's voice has a breathy quality, almost feminine.
Each of them, on quiet afternoons, draws their bed curtains tight. I've heard the faint buzz of a toy, the softest whimper, the creak of a mattress. I've pretended I haven't. They've pretended the same. We are four peacocks, but we keep our feathers hidden from each other.
There's a rumor going around. I heard it from Zheng Yi, the class monitor, a boy with the face of a classical painting and a voice like silk. He said some of the boys in our year were meeting with foreigners. Black guys, mostly. Getting taken to their dorms, getting *fucked*. He said it with a smirk, like he was in on a joke.
My stomach fluttered when he said it. Excitement. Fear. Longing.
At times I wonder what that would be like, to be on my knees for a man like that, to feel his hands on my hips, to be bent over and taken like a woman. The thought both terrifies and excites me. I've never been with anyone before, male or female—not really. Just my toys, my fantasies, my shame.
A vibration.
I freeze.
For a moment, I think I imagined it. But then it comes again. A steady, low rumble deep inside me. The plug is going off.
But I didn't turn it on.
My hand slides into my pocket, pats the empty space. I pull out a crumpled receipt, keys, a pen. No remote.
A cold wave of panic washes over me.
I left the remote in the bathroom. On the back of the toilet. When I took that call from my mom—the one that made me rush out of the stall—
Someone found it.
Someone has it.
The vibration grows stronger, a steady buzz that targets my prostate like a homing missile. My hips buck involuntarily. I press my thighs together, trying to stifle the movement, but my body is already reacting. My cock is hardening, tenting the front of my jeans. A bead of moisture leaks from my tip, staining the lace.
I bite down on my lip, so hard I taste copper.
The lecture continues. The professor's voice fades into background noise. I can't focus on anything but the toy inside me, buzzing away, now stronger, now softer, pulsing in rhythms I didn't program. Someone is playing with it. Someone is testing me.
A low moan escapes my throat. I disguise it as a cough.
I look around the hall, searching the backs of heads. Everyone seems normal. The girl with blue hair is typing furiously. A guy in front of me is nodding off. The tall black guy is—
He's looking at me.
Our eyes meet for a split second. His expression is placid, unreadable. Then he turns away, back to his notes, his hand resting casually on the armrest. His fingers tap a rhythm.
The toy matches it.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz-buzz-buzz.
The world tilts.
My face flames. I look down at my laptop, at the blurry text on the screen. My hands are shaking. I press my thighs together so tight it hurts, but the pleasure is still there, climbing up my spine, coiling in my gut. The buzzing changes pitch, climbs higher, and my vision goes white for a second.
I gasp. My hand flies to my mouth.
A girl two seats down looks at me with concern. "You okay?"
"Fine," I whisper. "Just... headache."
She nods and returns to her notes.
The buzz stops.
I exhale, trembling, my body clenched around the now-quiet toy. I'm hard, painfully hard, the head of my cock poking through the slit of my panties. I can feel moisture soaking through the lace, now damp with pre-cum.
I should get up. Pull the plug. Throw it away. End this.
But I don't.
Instead, I sit there, waiting for the next pulse, my heart racing with excitement I can't name. The stranger has the remote. The stranger controls me. I don't know who he is, what he wants, but a part of me doesn't care. A part of me craves this—the being watched, being controlled, being a toy for someone else's pleasure.
I hate myself for it.
I love it.
The lecture ends at last. I pack my bag slowly, legs trembling as I stand. The plug shifts inside me, a solid, comforting weight. I walk toward the exit, each step sending a small shock of pleasure through my body.
In the hallway, I feel a gaze on my back. I turn, but see nothing out of the ordinary. Students stream past, a river of backpacks and chat. I start walking toward the stairs.
Buzzzz.
The toy roars to life.
I stumble, grabbing the stair rail for support. My knees buckle. I lean against the wall, gasping, my hand on my chest. The vibration is maxed out, relentless, a full-scale assault on my prostate. My eyes roll back. I bite my wrist to stop myself from crying out.
Someone is walking toward me. I can hear footsteps, measured, close. I force my eyes open and see a pair of boots stop before me.
I look up.
The tall black guy stands there, his shadow falling over me. He's holding a phone in one hand—no, not a phone. A small black remote. My remote.
He looks at me with a slow, deliberate smile. "Nice plug," he says. His voice is low, with a slight accent I can't place. "Very nice."
I want to run. I want to scream. I want to grab the remote and hit him with it.
But all I do is stare, my mouth open, my body shaking with pleasure and fear.
He holds the remote tight. "I'm Derek."
The toy stops.
My breath whooshes out.
He tucks the remote into his pocket, pats it once. "We need to talk."
He walks past me, down the stairs, witho
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